What is fair???

     There is an awful lot of talk about what is fair.  If you have multiple children you often hear, "That's not fair!"  When I taught I would have to make accommodations for children with special needs.  There was a  document that told me exactly what accommodations I was required to provide for a child in the special education program.  It might have been a child with a reading disability that had his/her math word problems read to him/her.  We didn't want that child's math to suffer because he/she had a reading disability.  Some kids didn't think that was fair.  
       Well what does fair really mean.  Is fair everyone getting the exact same thing?  I don't think so.  "Fair isn't everyone getting the same thing, but everyone getting what they need in order to be successful."  I like that definition of fair.   It seems, well fair.  
       I Googled fair and found definitions form several reliable sources.  Merriam/Webster describes fairs as, "marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism."  MacMillan says, "if a situation is fair, everyone is treated equally and in a reasonable way."  Oxford said, "treating people equally without favoritism or discrimination:  just or appropriate in the circumstances."  It seems to me from these definitions that fair isn't everyone getting the same thing.  There are other factors that determine if something is fair.  So that definition I like is somewhat accurate.  
      I had to explain this to big sister the other day.  She thought it wasn't fair that little sister was given an ice pop in the morning, but she wasn't allowed to have one.  Little sister was teething and the ice pop helped soothe her gums.  I asked big sister if she wanted to get a shot next time little sister had to get a shot.  Because, after all it wouldn't  be fair if little sister got something and she didn't.  I also suggested she start taking naps, because it wouldn't be fair if she didn't.  She started to understand that her idea of fair wasn't really quite accurate. 
       I have also had to start explaining that as the big sister she has privileges that little sister does not have.  If she wants to be treated just like little sister then she would have to give up those privileges.   Of course this didn't seem like something she really wanted to do.  So once again her idea of fair had to be refined. 
       This is such a difficult concept for children & many adults.  The idea of redistributing wealth has been a popular political topic.  After all it isn't fair that rich people have so much and others are going without.  Well how did the rich people end up with the money and how did those without end up in that situation.  It often comes down to choices, luck,  and upbringing.  
       I know some people who have done extremely well financially.  They risked many things to achieve their wealth, including money,  relationships & their health.  They worked extremely long hours with few days off.  They missed their children growing up.  Their marriages ended in divorce.  They have physical problems because they neglected their bodies.  Why should they now be told that they must give their wealth to someone else?  Someone who wasn't willing to take those risks and put in those hours.  
       There are people who gained their wealth in ways that are not fair.  They lied, cheated & stole.  I am not talking about those people.  I am talking about people that have worked and worked hard for what they have.  You may see them living the good life now, but how about the years of sacrifice?  Most CEO's didn't get to that position without some significant sacrifices.  
       I believe we should help those in need.  However, I don't believe it is our responsibility to support someone for their entire life or a family for generations because they choose not be productive.  That isn't fair. 
       My husband works so hard everyday.  We have sacrificed luxuries so I can stay home with our kids.   He has chosen not to take positions that would pay significantly more money, because he wants to be around for our children.  His brother also works hard.  My sister-in-law worked full time throughout their daughters childhood.  My brother in law has traveled every week for his job for years and works extremely long hours.  He makes much more money then my husband.  Their combined income was way more then we ever made, even when we both worked.  We don't believe that is unfair.  They have made sacrifices for that money.  He and his family deserve to enjoy the money they have.  They are very generous people and help out others,  However, I don't think they should be told they have to redistribute their wealth. 
       There are so many opportunities in this country.  Capitalism may not be perfect, but it is far superior to communism and socialism.  Because of capitalism our country has been a leader in innovation, from medicine to technology and most other industries.  Communism & Socialism have failed in every country where they have been attempted.  When it fails and we actually get to see the living standards in those countries we find them decades behind.  We find that the leaders at the top often lead much more comfortable lives and the majority of the people lived with standards that are far below our poor in this country.  
       Maybe the really fair thing to do is encourage people to make better choices.  Not enable them when they decide they don't want to be a productive member of society.  It is not inhumane to expect people to work in order eat and have a place to live.  It is inhumane to consistently hand they everything and let them feel that they have nothing to contribute, that they are useless.  Give a man a fish he'll have food for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll have food everyday.  I think this is much more fair.  "Fair isn't everyone getting the same thing, but everyone getting what they need in order to be successful."